ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
