dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
