you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
