remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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