He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize