I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
