So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
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My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
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I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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