If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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