i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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