Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
