At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
