I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
