dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
