she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
