Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
