my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
