dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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