I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Who did Billy Mays play for?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.