How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
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Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.