Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay

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  (646): My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay http://tfl.nu/aqwf
  Replies (6) Good night (819) Bad night (941)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i don't plan on having that self control this summer

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  (732): i don't plan on having that self control this summer http://tfl.nu/15c3
  Replies (8) Good night (2141) Bad night (640)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis

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  (978): i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis http://tfl.nu/3jq7
  Replies (8) Good night (1041) Bad night (4058)
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  (+06): View more from

  it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..

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  (+06): it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever.. http://tfl.nu/huu2
  Replies (36) Good night (1292) Bad night (7590)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM

  (909): View more from California

  I'm scared to ask why.....

  (509): View more from Washington

  1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.

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  (509): I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM (909): I'm scared to ask why..... (509): 1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare. http://tfl.nu/ztpp
  Replies (13) Good night (4993) Bad night (1096)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.

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  (204): this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food. http://tfl.nu/5ycb
  Replies (9) Good night (1549) Bad night (4486)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago

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  (985): shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago http://tfl.nu/00sj
  Replies (20) Good night (6421) Bad night (1320)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes

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  (563): he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes http://tfl.nu/4qyv
  Replies (22) Good night (1486) Bad night (5134)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.

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  (908): Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him. http://tfl.nu/w434
  Replies (4) Good night (1123) Bad night (2335)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.

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  (617): Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are. http://tfl.nu/448e
  Replies (11) Good night (1763) Bad night (764)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.

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  (603): FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment. http://tfl.nu/9ddg
  Replies (6) Good night (746) Bad night (1188)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Is this a considering it or regretting it text?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.

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  (318): My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter (504): Is this a considering it or regretting it text? (318): I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me. http://tfl.nu/wpzn
  Replies (3) Good night (537) Bad night (1033)
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  (415): View more from California

  LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.

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  (415): LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking. http://tfl.nu/5t1f
  Replies (10) Good night (464) Bad night (2224)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  20.

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  (801): I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day. (1-801): 20. http://tfl.nu/vqhd
  Replies (1) Good night (608) Bad night (323)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???

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  (864): YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME??? http://tfl.nu/r2h4
  Replies (0) Good night (347) Bad night (127)

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