I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
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I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.