remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there was a trapeze. enough said
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.