Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
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not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.