I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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