but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys