Texts From Last Night

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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?

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  (901): After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background? http://tfl.nu/ijcb
  Replies (63) Good night (2643) Bad night (3411)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother

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  (561): As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother http://tfl.nu/1acl
  Replies (21) Good night (2183) Bad night (519)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space

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  (703): I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space http://tfl.nu/29mq
  Replies (27) Good night (4630) Bad night (559)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.

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  (443): My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat. http://tfl.nu/c3g0
  Replies (46) Good night (4536) Bad night (637)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

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  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (41178) Bad night (2766)
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  (518): View more from New York

  he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!

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  (518): he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home! http://tfl.nu/koxv
  Replies (12) Good night (3596) Bad night (902)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...

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  (+44): i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now... http://tfl.nu/kqc9
  Replies (12) Good night (5179) Bad night (866)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.

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  (501): He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now. http://tfl.nu/buy8
  Replies (4) Good night (739) Bad night (2084)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.

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  (732): She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot. http://tfl.nu/el8s
  Replies (6) Good night (2307) Bad night (610)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!

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  (618): the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!! http://tfl.nu/py94
  Replies (3) Good night (1759) Bad night (506)
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  (951): View more from California

  He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".

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  (951): He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later". http://tfl.nu/gid9
  Replies (12) Good night (860) Bad night (1301)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.

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  (+44): You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste. http://tfl.nu/s042
  Replies (3) Good night (620) Bad night (301)
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  (415): View more from California

  i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.

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  (415): i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus. http://tfl.nu/s77k
  Replies (4) Good night (1002) Bad night (402)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.

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  (540): Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach. http://tfl.nu/d58b
  Replies (3) Good night (223) Bad night (560)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday

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  (516): Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday http://tfl.nu/gvbn
  Replies (1) Good night (356) Bad night (201)

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