she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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