I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
