real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
