this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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