no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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