I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
