I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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