I'm jealous of your bromance
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
