Little spoons don't ask big questions
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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