Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
