Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
