3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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