Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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