Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
