I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
