Nicole vs. Life
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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