Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
