You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
