Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
