worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
