So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
