The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
