My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
