how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
