I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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