At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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