I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
