I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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