The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
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The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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