You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i dont even know how to be here
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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