READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
