We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
