it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
