I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
