And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize