MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
