I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
