am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
