it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
