also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
