it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
